Back to Page 1My world came crashing down on January 11, 2003 when my hubby was diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer and cancerous tumors in both lungs.
He had been in good health prior to the year 2000 when he started finding blood in his urine. Tests revealed that he had a 7 cm tumor in his left kidney. His urologist removed the kidney and felt that he had gotten all of it. His prognosis was that kidney cancer was usually contained within the kidney so he didn't expect any problems. Unbeknownst to everyone, the cancer had already escaped and located elsewhere in his body.
For 2 years, he was checked several times a year for signs of cancer and had chest x-rays but nothing ever showed up. In mid-Sept., 2002, Bill complained of pain in his right eye and a pain in his left knee that he says happened simultaneously. He believed that he had a mini-stroke. When the pain in his knee got worse, he went to his primary care doctor who ordered an x-ray. The x-ray showed no problems so he was sent to an orthopedic surgeon. The surgeon believed that he needed a knee replacement so steps were taken for this procedure. The week before the procedure was to take place, an MRI was taken by the hospital that showed a large tumor on his knee but we didn't get the report from the lab until the following week - on the day that he was doing a pre-admit to the hospital for the surgery. The pre-admit requires blood tests, an EKG, a chest x-ray. The chest x-ray showed large tumors in his lungs, the lab report that I had picked up to take to the orthopedic surgeon said that the knee had a large tumor in the bone of the knee.
Next came the round of doctors - the orthopedic surgeon who told him that he had cancer in his knee - the heart doctor, the oncologist, the radiologists - all of whom told him that he had stage 4 cancer. His mind blocked this diagnosis and he insisted that "no one told him that he had cancer". He even asked the oncologist "how long" and the answer was generic - it all depends on the person but his mind still couldn't accept this diagnosis. We did one treatment of interferon but quit because he went on the Hospice program. We did continue with 7 treatments of radiology until I pulled the plug on that. I really feel that all the doctors and treatment that he went through was only putting money in the doctor’s pockets. Hospice was in complete agreement that I quit taking him for the radiology.
Hospice was the best thing that we ever did and a beautiful care program. I would heartily recommend it to any one who finds themselves in this situation. We never wanted for anything at any time.
I didn't think that I could handle his passing at home - I really wanted him in a hospital but I was talked out of that decision by the medical director of Hospice and now I'm glad that he did. Bill's passing was beautiful. I notified all 7 children that he was given only a matter of days to live. We have children that live all over the country and a son (a missionary) who was, at that time, in Europe. The son in Europe was in Italy when I told him so he and his wife flew non-stop from Italy-France-Georgia to Las Vegas, NV and got here (in Arizona) in the wee hours of the morning. For the first time in our 31 years of marriage, all 7 children were under the same roof. Note: this was a second marriage for us - Bill has 3 children, I have 4).
During the time that my girls went up to Las Vegas to pick up Bill's son and my son, who was also flying in from Georgia, Bill was restless. My oldest daughter and I held his hand, patted his leg and comforted him telling him that his son's were coming and that all 7 children would be here. We felt that he had some unresolved issues regarding religion, as he has always been agnostic. When the boys arrived home, at 3:00 am, and Rick (Bill's son) took his hand, Bill visibly relaxed. Rick held his hand and patted him for around 30 minutes or so, then asked my permission to talk to his dad about God, which I gave to him. He said that he was going to give Bill 5 words and he recited the words "Lord Jesus Christ Forgive Me' touching each finger as he said the words. He told Bill that he was going to have a major decision to make shortly, that he was going to have to open his heart and let the Lord in, that he would enter heaven, be at peace and without pain. At this point, Bill opened his eyes, looked at Rick, and his eyes were clear and blue, not glazed and milky. Rick told him to remember these 5 words, repeating them again and again touching each finger. Then he told Bill that we gave him permission to leave. At that point, Bill closed his eyes, his breathing was no longer labored and he just gently drifted away. He passed away with such dignity, grace and beauty.
Looking back now, what would I have done differently in regard to his cancer? Naturally, hindsight is always better than foresight but I believe that after the kidney cancer was removed I would have insisted that a total body scan be done on a yearly basis. I don't believe that I would have gone the round of doctors and tests that I didn't feel were really necessary once his knee cancer was diagnosed at stage 4 and the cancer was in his lungs.
As I look back now I can see Bill's gradual decline. He had just turned 76 when he passed away so I contributed his mental decline on his age but I believe that the cancer had invaded his brain. His eyesight got worse and his ability to operate simple things like the VCR was pronounced - and got progressively worse during the final months of his illness. He was unable to remember simple things - all clues about the cancer but, of course, we didn't know that he had extensive cancer.
He was a good, gentle man - a good husband and provider. I miss him dearly but we had a good 31 years of marriage and I thank God every day for bringing him into my life.
